At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
