I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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