She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
