she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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