Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
