i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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