we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
