He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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