Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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