I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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