i think my tv is drunk
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fuck appropriateness.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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