Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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