Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
