so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
