I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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