11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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