Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
