Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
