he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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