I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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