I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
