If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
