Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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