I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
