If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
