By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
