And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out