no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
someone owes me an orgasm
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree