these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...