My sheets look like a crime scene.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion