It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
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We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.