i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me