I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
