he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Two words: blizzard sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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