I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
