my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
