He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize