Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
COCAINE IS GR8
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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