I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
