just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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