This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize