I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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