Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
