your room smells of hookers.
And success
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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