Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
