We're facebook friends in real life
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
