I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
