I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
