everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
