Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
