is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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