Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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