capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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