Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
