do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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