and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
