I don't remember. Are we still dating?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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