His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
