Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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