please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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