Who did Billy Mays play for?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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