im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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