you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Terrible idea I love it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
