The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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