I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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