you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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