And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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