I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The air was thick with penises
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
