even my farts smell like vagina
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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