I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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