My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why do cheetos always look like penises
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
