tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
