I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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