New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
