I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
