Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
