he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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